So, yesterday I had a strange “both sides of the coin”, very contrary day.
My morning pages both gave me more mindfulness, and drew things that made my mind swirl to light. My reading on the blogosphere gave me both hope that there is love in the world, and made me feel ugly egocentric for the sorrow I felt that none of it is for me right now. A letter arriving made me feel both resigned to the way the world works, and wanting to rail and rebel against the closest person who symbolizes this.
Thinking about summarizing my first month back blogging make me both;
happy and proud, simultaneously as scared and lost.
And so it went. I tried to write to no avail. Tried to get the summer to autumn/winter clothes shift done, but mostly flitted about.
Only after working my ass of (quite literally since it was a Booty/Core workout) for an hour, taking a long hot shower and drinking a glass of wine, did I get myself collected enough to at least get the family planning for October done. Then I did some tidying up, until both me and the effing inner critics, sensors and saboteurs where content.
The silver lining is this. As everything I thought about came with both their pros and cons simultaneously, I could NOT ignore those things where my usual, everyone else before me, has led me to suppress cons that hurts and costs me needless energy, just caring for people that don’t do the same for me.
So, some things are starting to crystallize.
Decisions forming. Things I have to say formulating.
Which is precisely what being on a journey of self is all about.© REDCAT
Enlightenment and understanding of oneself and others.
Changes and new beginnings fueled by insights and
accepted, previously denied, truths.
So maybe a contrary day now and then has it’s place in life! :-)