As I’m sure you’ve noticed in my writing I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.
So this post is way late…
Most years, autumn, approaching first snow and All Saints Day makes me somewhat melancholic, seeking solitude and time for thinking. Usually it feels like a good time to sum up a year and look ahead. Before the darkness of midwinter.
This year I had that. And a whopping bottom-of-the-well depression to cope with. I expected it to feel darker than usual.
Then I fell into a strange black hole of the Swedish mental healthcare system.
First the primary care psychologist got a common cold and where away from work a few days, and then just happened to forget the referral they where supposed to send about me. (And a shitload of other work I’m sure.)
For five weeks. It where only discovered I tried to find out the hold-up. Since they swore there would be maximum a months waiting time.
Of course they apologized profusely. But that don’t get me ahead of the cue. And honestly you can’t tell a process speciallist like me that figuring out that a staff member can have sick days is hard. Or that if the staffer is a speciallist, the boss have to see to it that no patients gets lost.
It’s not just good business practice. It’s common sense.
They had no good answers to that, but I know the answer. The healthcare system is one of the systems where most money ends up in mysterious black holes, not put to the best possible use, or run in the best possible way.
And the real reason probably is that the poor psychologist is on the verge of being overworked. I saw the signs clearly… Another effect of a broke system.
Then it just got weird. The referral was sent and an appointment booked. Then my medical journal, available online, contained a new entry that is not about me! Which can’t possibly follow any of our new stricter data sharing laws. Also, just to add some confusion, a second appointment letter showed up! Still waiting to hear why, if I should go to both, or if one is another error.
Feeling really low on confidence on actually getting help trough the system instead of digging a hole in my finances by going the private route.
So October has felt like hanging on for dear life. Even getting myself to dance class has been a struggle. Writing has been even more of a struggle.
Yes, writing is an outlet. But the things I’ve let out has totally drained me.
The silver lining, is the good pieces of poetry my pouring out of feeling, in the form of words on paper, has yielded.
Which is precisely what being on a journey of self is all about.© REDCAT
Enlightenment and understanding of oneself and others.
Changes and new beginnings fueled by insights and
accepted, previously denied, truths.
Sometimes I just wish the road where a little less hard and lonely…