Abandoned and abused, I grew to fear you
But in truth, I where reared by you
Bullied as other, ostracized by my peers
Alone with daily jeers, leers and snears
Childhood and adolescence, year after year
Branding me as strange and queer
Yours the only company to keep me near
Convincing me I’m a mere shadow
Not really alive, not supposed to be here
Developed intimate knowledge of all your tiers
As loneliness you have tooth and claws that tear
Lead chains that trust steer
Forged by every untruth spear
Betrayal heart and soul sear
Invisible barriers separating, from those you hold dear
Dark lonely nights your visits I fear
Haunted hours filled with tears
Leaving me hollow and sheer
As pale dawn washes the heavens clear
After becoming a mother, I’ve started to befriend you, we’re
Old pals, whatever the history, that’s clear
Nowadays I even hold our moments dear
Filled with new knowledge, hope and trust
I’ll never again from my own side veer
All that I seek© REDCAT
I can find within my own heart soul sphere
This piece where not something I wished to write, but perhaps needed to write, as whatever I thought about the subject solitude – that I express both it and loneliness quite often – got drowned out by this piece rhymes running in loops in my mind.
In the prompt Björn writes;
In today’s situation of social distancing, we all have taken a crash course in loneliness, and when learning to cope. Today I would like you to write about your own experience with how you find strength in solitude or how you still struggle with loneliness.
Reblogged this on ram H singhal note book.
Dear RedCat, i sense you write from both vulnerability AND strength. Abuse is evil and breaks God’s heart as well as our own…i’m sorry that you, or any child, has suffered thus.
I like the description of “untruth” as a “spear”.
I know a bit about bullying from my younger years, and I remember how I grew from self-loathing to strength… only when I could enjoy my own company I could break those bonds and face the outer world… it was not a journey that I wish anyone else to take, but getting through I think it made me to what I am
I too suffered bullying at school and some abuse (not sexual) from my father and some previous partners. I can understand that you did not wish to but needed to write this poem that breaks my heart. I like the way it starts with the assonance of ‘Abandoned and abused’, emphasising the pain, and which is also effective in ‘jeers, leers and snears’ and all the end rhymes. I remember someone convincing me I was a mere shadow. I also made friends with my father once I became a mother. Strange how these patterns repeat across the world, but then maybe not in a world run by men.
Resonates with me and my experiences with an alcoholic parent. Beautifully written– but a painful one–I am sure.