Daily Haibun, June 9th – Spinning In Circles

Photo by Fred Moon on Unsplash

My mind is running itself ragged in circles of surprised joy and deep self doubt.
I made it! Can I? What if I fail? I got accepted! Should I? What if I don’t succeed? Over, and over, and over again.
Until it’s hard to know which way is which. Until it’s damn near impossible to make a choice.
Until I just want to flee until the opportunity is lost and forgotten.

A trapped animal
Running in endless circles
Finding no way out


Read other Haibun’s written for the monthly dVerse prompt by me here.

Read other Daily Haibun’s here.

Photo by beasty . on Unsplash

On the Cusp of a Dream Achieved (2020 Re-post)

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Re-post comment:

This Pantoum sums up the way I’ve been feeling for a couple of weeks now. Again achieving things I long for and dream about sends me into a tailspin of deep self doubt, shame and anxiety. So I thought it fitting to make this the archive find for this week.

On the cusp of a dream achieved
Truth of inner worth freed
Bone deep self doubt revealed
Planted with every unmet need

Truth of inner worth freed
A girl bred to never succeed
Planted with every unmet need
She never learnt how to receive

A girl bred to never succeed
A light shone where kind self-love breeds
She never learnt how to receive
Sorrow joy supersede

A light shone where kind self-love breeds
Bone deep self doubt revealed
Sorrow joy supersede
On the cusp of a dream achieved


I refuse to let my current depressive slide stop my writing. So today I sat down to see if I could write a poem about my truth, my life, and the added stress that accounts for the current mood.

I long known I self-sabotage and have trouble receiving positive praise, but I didn’t know it ran this deep. I thought sending the submissions out where the struggle. The last weeks have shown me, that success and actually achieving a lifelong dream, with grace and real joy, is the real struggle and it’s only just begun.

This is one of my favorite linked forms, a pantoum.

My process for writing a pantoum goes something like this…

The pattern is ABCD, BEDF, EGFH, GCHA. Since line A and C becomes both the start and end I usually write the first and last stanza, then the middle ones.

Also shared to dVerse’s Open Link Night.

Photo by ready made on Pexels.com

Restless Body and Mind

Restless body and mind
Failing to restfulness find
Forever this anxious merry-go-round
Will peace and quiet ever be found


A short little piece to end the week. To express how it feels to live with a mind always going on maximum speed. That thinks on and evaluates everything from every possible, unlikely and down right impossible angle. That doesn’t slow down even when both body and mind are exhausted. It just gets more far fetched and scattered. 

Sometimes meditating works, often it doesn’t. Instead just cropping up new things to throw in the mix. Far from all thoughts are anxious, but when it spins that fast sooner or later stress and anxiety creeps in. 

Inspired by this week’s weekend writing prompt from Sammi Cox.

Strange, Weird and Twisted – Ekprastic Challenge, January 31

Kerfe Roig – The Strange

Strange rooms shrouded in gloom
Weird sounds echoing in tune
Twisted hallways leading to doom

Strange sights searing the eyes
Weird thoughts rapidly flashing by
Twisted emotions a chorus of cries

Strange voices calling away
Weird doors leading nowhere
Twisted pathways going astray

Strange is the trauma scarred view
Weird is the bullied souls milieu
Twisted is the heart lied to


Read all poems and see all artwork at The Wombwell Rainbow.

Michael Dickel ~ Spectacle-Face-Phase
Kerfe Roig

A resident of New York City, Kerfe Roig enjoys transforming words and images into something new.  Her poetry and art have been featured online by Right Hand PointingSilver Birch PressYellow Chair ReviewThe song is…Pure HaikuVisual VerseThe Light EkphrasticScribe BaseThe Zen Space, and The Wild Word, and published in Ella@100Incandescent MindPea River JournalFiction International: Fool, Noctua Review, The Raw Art Review, and several Nature Inspired anthologies. Follow her explorations on her blogs, https://methodtwomadness.wordpress.com/  (which she does with her friend Nina), and https://kblog.blog/, and see more of her work on her website http://kerferoig.com/

Inky and Ice Cold Tarn of Sorrow

Image Source

Wave upon wave of darkness crashing in
Sinking, no chance to swim
Chilling doubt seeps in
Trauma wrought chains within

Shower and sparkle of bubbles with air
Lead heavy, stuck in despair
Losing the fight to draw air
Would anyone even care?

Inky and ice cold tarn of sorrow
No dawn of tomorrow
Frozen in ice sheets of sorrow
Cold in soul and marrow

Glimmer and gleam of bright hope
Igniting life’s colourful kaleidoscope
Even for the most wretched there’s shimmering hope
Hold my hand and together we’ll anything cope

© RedCat

Inspired by the first photo from The Sunday Muse.

And before anyone gets worried, this is thankfully not how bad my depression is right now. This is processing by writing about it. It is also an attempt to help someone else express themselves. And a chance to show some hope for everyone having a hard time right now.

Image Source

For me a tarn can be both a small woodland lake or a water filled old mining shaft, with inky black waters.

Depressed Diet

Panic-attack by George Grie

As the sun slowly rise
I wake, from dreams of my demise
Anxieties of every kind
Flooding through my mind
For breakfast, there’s the usual dark potion
Full of self loathing and suicidal ideation
During the day there’s the usual snacks
Triggers and hailing panic attacks
Lunch is often light
Too stressed to eat a bite
When it’s time for afternoon tea
All I wanna do is run and flee
In the evening I swallow screams for dinner
My soul-thread growing ever thinner
At night, alone in the dark, I despair
Waiting to be taken by sweat-soaking nightmares

Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels

Written for Weekly Scribblings #33 at Poets and Storytellers United. Where we’re invited to to write new poetry or prose which includes the phrase “swallow screams for dinner” from C. Sandlin’s poem, “Telling Stories

Night ridden by the mare

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com

Night ridden by the Mare
Visions of death and despair

Cloying smells from dying flesh
Cries of agony and sorrow mesh

Desperate shattering choices
Despair in thousands of voices

Endless stream of new cases, severe consequences
Nothing newer than medieval defenses

When will the wind spread laughter?
What will the world look like after?


Photo by Archie Binamira on Pexels.com

From Wikipedia:

Mare (Old EnglishmæreOld Dutchmaremara in Old High German and Old Norse) is a malicious entity in Germanic and Slavic folklore that rides on people’s chests while they sleep, bringing on bad dreams (or “nightmares“)

Once I couldn’t breathe

Panic-attack by George Grie

Once I couldn’t breathe. Lungs felt constricted, small. Deep breaths weren’t possible. With shallow breath, came fear, panic. It could strike anytime, anywhere. Panic-attacks really can feel like dying. You can’t breathe, heart beats painfully, reality narrows down to a gauntlet of worst nightmares.

I became obsessed with avoiding. Perpetually on my watch, fearful of anything that awoke the panic. Eventually I became a nervous wreck, who couldn’t face public commuting, certain neighborhoods or going to my childhood small-town.
Life dwindled.

One day, a wise woman, asked how my breath was. First the question made little sense, but eventually I realized I didn’t breathe deep, with my stomach. The way I learned as a singer. Retraining, I discovered a connection with true-self, a path to less stress.
Possibility of self-love.
My voice.

There are moments between heart-beats.
Between breaths.
Wherein lies lifes true meaning.

© RedCat

I’m back to turning my life into prose or poetry. Here in just 144 words, I try to tell how full fledged anxiety and/or PTSD induced panic-attacks feel, what they do to you, and what I found to help me.

This is also much on my mind since I’m back to doing breath-exercises. It seems I have more to learn in this area too. Especially relating to breathing, meditating and self-compassion.

Posted in response to Prosery: Between Heartbeats.

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