My mind is full of whispers and echoes. One inner saboteur saying an unkind nearly true thing. The rest of the choir chiming in with their own versions. Until it’s a cacophony swirling around.
It’s been like this as long as I can remember. I both long for and dread achievements. For they start such storms inside. Such deep self-doubt and loathing. I never learned to feel a sense of accomplishment. I never got told anything was good enough. I was always found lacking.
I’ve done my darnedest best to ignore this for most of my life. But that have made it louder not made it go away. I’ve met with derision when I tried to talk about it. Who doesn’t take pride in achievements?
Going forward I know, my mind and feelings are the biggest hurdles to overcome. The most likely thing to trip me up is ME.
But I’m done being ashamed of having learnt to be ashamed of everything about myself. And those that can’t handle that is no friends of mine.
A storm is brewing
Dark clouds roiling and rumbling
Waiting for a spark
Read other Haibun’s written for the monthly dVerse prompt by me here.
Read other Daily Haibun’s here.