Once I feared the blank paper. Now I revere it. Because I’ve found the courage to dare to try. Learnt how to release my creativity.
Started to realise it’s all about writing, editing and rewriting. Few first draft is as good as the text can be.
Today I bought a couple of new notebooks and pens. Love the feel of flicking through still empty pages. Wondering what kind of stories and poems they’ll be filled with.
I haven’t kept a journal for most of my life. Once my journal was used against me in the most foul way. And after that I’ve had my massive writers block. Also, just thinking about journaling got me in a panic. So even though my writers impulse have leaked out now and then trough the years. I have not been able to journal. Not even Bullet Journaling (which i tried about a year or so ago) did anything other then get me into a right state.
Cut to this spring and summers seismic changes. I found myself not only wanting, but very willing to write, write, write. I filled notebooks with poetry and short stories. But I also found myself writing stream of consciousness reflective texts.
As I neared my decision to start blogging again to be able to share my writing with the world. I also started to think about affecting more changes to my creative drive and courage. So I quizzed a friend who lives by a goal setting regime, I read about the 5am club, I surfed the web. Searching for something that suited me.
Leading me to an journaling article that mentioned Morning Pages. Three pages of anything written in longhand, with pen on paper, every morning.
So three week ago, I started.
At first there where some resistance to the idea of just writing whatever. Nothing that’s supposed to become anything productive at all. Guess if my good girl programming have a problem with that.
Also there where some residual fear of really committing inner thoughts and feeling to paper. Where theoretically they could be found and read.
So, some mornings it feels a bit forced. Or I notice that I’m circling something I want to write about instead of just writing it. But most mornings my mind complains about being tired, hop from one subject to the next, finds new things to reflect upon, summaries something from the day before or write a list for the coming day.
I wouldn’t say it’s an habit yet. But I have noticed it feels natural to pick up the journal first thing in the morning. Just this morning I had decided to wait until my commute to write because I had an unusual early start today. Instead I found myself picking the journal up, thinking I can get at least one page written before I have to go.
I don’t think it’s a quick fix (nothing really is). And my depression, anxiety and whirlwind mind still give me really bad days. But I’m surprised at how much more mindfulness I have throughout the day. How much less chaos there is in my mind, making thoughts and emotions much clearer and easier to understand.
So I’ll keep on with my morning pages! What do you do to start your day?
The world according to RedCat 