Daily Haibun, August 1st – The End of Summer


It isn’t really the end of summer yet. Some weeks with warmth and light remains. But my mind is already moving on. Thinking about the coming fall, it’s return to routines and it’s changes. Of harvest and reaping the rewards of work and toil.

The light will leak out of the sky and we’ll be plunged into darkness again. I’m cautiously optimistic about suffering less from my depression this winter. But time will tell.

As fields turn golden

Crickets through the evenings play

Thoughts turn to autumn

© RedCat



Read other Haibun’s written for the monthly dVerse prompt by me here.

Read other Daily Haibun’s here.


Firework by Katy Perry – Saturday Song

Firework by Katy Perry

After writing both As I Reap The Dreams That I Have Sown and August Approaches yesterday, I decided that tonight’s Saturday Song had to be one about overcoming obstacles, adversity, challenges and hard times. About not giving up, even when that’s all you feel like doing. I found this list of songs about all that. So I started to read lyrics and the choice fell on Firework by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from cavin’ in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing

From Firework by Katy Perry

I know exactly how that feels. But now I have to get away from that, find my voice, develop my passion and allow my light to shine bright.

Enjoy!



Firework – Lyrics

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from cavin’ in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you?
‘Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go, “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Source: LyricFind
Song writers: Esther Dean, Sandy Julien Wilhelm, Tor Erik Hermansen, Mikkel Storleer Eriksen, Katheryn Hudson
Lyric to Firework © Peermusic Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management, DistroKid
Firework by Katy Perry

Firework photo credit: Photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash

Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have – but I Have It by Lana Del Ray – Saturday Song

Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have – but I Have It by Lana Del Ray

Tonight’s Saturday song is Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have – but I Have It by Lana Del Ray

A song someone sent to me because they thought about me listening to it. At the time I felt both flattered and quite caught out. Did I really seem so depressed and struggling? I guess at the time I thought I did a better job hiding it. Then I realized how backwards hiding how I truly felt was, especially from someone who could read between the lines. So instead I got ugly honest about the darkness and received both some relief and a new friend by it. 

Since then I’ve become much better off not habitually always hiding how I am. It’s not always easy, and has the sad side effect of showing who your real friends are. But all in all I now believe it’s a better way to live than the opposite. 

I can also say it made me listen to Lana Del Ray and her poetic lyrics.

It’s unusual that a contemporary song has so much written about it, but looking up the lyrics and song links I stumbled upon several articles about it. Here’s two, one from Atwood Magazine and one from Story of Song.

Enjoy!


Lyrics

Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have – but I Have It by Lana Del Ray

I was reading Slim Aarons and I got to thinking that I thought
Maybe I’d get less stressed if I was tested less like
All of these debutantes
Smiling for miles in pink dresses and high heels on white yachts
But I’m not
Baby, I’m not
No, I’m not
That, I’m not

I’ve been tearing around in my fucking nightgown
24/7 Sylvia Plath
Writing in blood on the walls
‘Cause the ink in my pen don’t work in my notepad
Don’t ask if I’m happy, you know that I’m not
But, at best, I can say I’m not sad
‘Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have

I had fifteen-year dances
Church basement romances, yeah, I’ve cried
Spilling my guts with the Bowery Bums
Is the only love I’ve ever known
Except for the stage, which I also call home, when I’m not
Servin’ up God in a burnt coffee pot for the triad
Hello, it’s the most famous woman you know on the iPad
Calling from beyond the grave, I just wanna say, “Hi, Dad”

I’ve been tearing up town in my fucking white gown
Like a goddamn near sociopath
Shaking my ass is the only thing that’s
Got this black narcissist off my back
She couldn’t care less, and I never cared more
So there’s no more to say about that
Except hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman with my past

There’s a new revolution, a loud evolution that I saw
Born of confusion and quiet collusion of which mostly I’ve known
A modern day woman with a weak constitution, ’cause I’ve got
Monsters still under my bed that I could never fight off
A gatekeeper carelessly dropping the keys on my nights off

I’ve been tearing around in my fucking nightgown
24/7 Sylvia Plath
Writing in blood on your walls
‘Cause the ink in my pen don’t look good in my pad
They write that I’m happy, they know that I’m not
But, at best, you can see I’m not sad
But hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
But I have it
Yeah, I have it
Yeah, I have it
I have

Lyrics Source

Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have – but I Have It by Lana Del Ray

Another Piece of the Puzzle – A Puente Poem


Always felt other and wrong
Never truly felt like I belong
Never felt unencumbered and free
Allowed to just be me
Perpetual cycles of pain and abuse
Always guessing which persona mask to use
Living with nagging doubt, maybe I’m just insane

~Can a diagnosis everything explain~

Help me to equilibrium gain
Teach me what I need to know
To at functioning life have a go
Give me hope of fitting in
Break my minds eternal tailspin
Show me how to reach good mental health
Allow me to fully use my minds idea wealth

©RedCat

Sitting here wondering if I really dare to post this. Afraid to expose myself. Afraid to overshare. Afraid to be rejected once more. At the same time feeling like I need to share how much upheaval there is right now. And why. 

I’ve had bouts of depression on and off through life. And I’ve been told to view them and every other issue as stemming from the abuse I’ve gone through. That my struggles depend on that only and if I can somehow overcome them I will be as everyone else. 

Cue a new psychologist.

Who started to ask questions I’ve never got before. Who administered not just the really short screening tests (that apparently typically don’t catch female sufferers) but longer fuller tests that screen for Adhd/Add and Autism spectrum disorder. The last months have been test upon test. There are a few left but the first of the two is by now a given, the second one in some kind of high functioning way very probable.

I don’t know how to feel about either. And I don’t know if it will really help in any practical way.


I’m still me, as I’ve always been. 

Will this alter others’ perspective of me?


Written in the Puente form for tonight’s Poetics: Build a Bridge at dVerse. 

Rhyme scheme: aabbccd d deeffgg


Shadow People Before My Eyes – A Triple Triolet, April Ekphrastic Challenge

Kerfe Roig

Shadow people before my eyes
Drifting aimlessly through their lives
Foggy as rainy crying skies
Shadow people before my eyes
Fading as sorrow’s darkness rise
Remembering just negatives
Shadow people before my eyes
Drifting aimlessly through their lives

Nobody holds then as they cry
No one a kind helping hand gives
Sorrow without friends multiply
Nobody holds then as they cry
Nobody these souls fortify
They are dark depressions captives
Nobody holds then as they cry
No one a kind helping hand gives

Shadow people before my eyes
What can get then to see bright life
Fading away ‘til their souls dies
Shadow people before my eyes
Unable to see the blue skies
Lost without finding hope inside
Shadow people before my eyes
What can get then to see bright life

©RedCat

I’m half a month early, but this one is written for Mental Health Awareness Month. A way to show that there are a lot of people out there who suffer from depression, and do so thinking and feeling they are all alone. Because that is part of how depression works, isolating us from the rest of the world.

But you are not alone! There is help to get!

For many there are loved ones that would like nothing better than to give help, support and love. And if you don’t have loved ones who care, there is support and help to get, from others who have suffered as you do and from professionals.
But you have to reach out or open up just a little bit for them to know you need help. And that I know from personal experience is not always an easy thing.


Writing a triple triolet as in Trapped, Imprisoned In Her Own Mind, was so fun and challenging enough that I just had to do it again. Because that way it feels like you get a chance to make the triolet go somewhere and not just be a repetitive poem stuck in one place.

To see all art and read all poetry for today go to The Wombwell Rainbow.


Kerfe Roig

A resident of New York City, Kerfe Roig enjoys transforming words and images into something new.  Her poetry and art have been featured online by Right Hand PointingSilver Birch PressYellow Chair ReviewThe song is…Pure HaikuVisual VerseThe Light EkphrasticScribe BaseThe Zen Space, and The Wild Word, and published in Ella@100Incandescent MindPea River JournalFiction International: Fool, Noctua Review, The Raw Art Review, and several Nature Inspired anthologies. Follow her explorations on her blogs, https://methodtwomadness.wordpress.com/  (which she does with her friend Nina), and https://kblog.blog/, and see more of her work on her website http://kerferoig.com/

April Ekphrastic Challenge – GloPoWriMo 2021

On the Edge

Trigger warning!
Photo by Spencer Selover from Pexels

Constantly shifting and parrying
One small misstep
Is all it takes to fall
When you are
On the edge

A thin line betwixt darknesses
The only light tread
In this weave of nightmares
Bright hope is scarce
When you are
On the edge

Unending battles and skirmishes
No path to ceasefire
Scraped raw, skinless
When you are clinging
To a sharp edge

Trapped in loops of the past
Shackled by demons
No space to break free
When you are balancing
On the edge

Blind to joy, trust, peace
Deaf to caring words and hearts
Mute the screams, silence the tears, hide the pain
Drowning in a well of sadness
Unable to reach out or be reached
When you are living
On the edge

©RedCat

Written for myself and others I care for. Who like me is battling depression, old trauma wounds and mental health issues.

I wanted to share how it feels to live on that edge. When the edge is all there seems to be. When there is no light on the horizon. That’s why there’s a trigger warning. Because from that place you don’t feel hope. Can’t imagine a happy ending.

Another poem about edges I written is – After.


Photo by Tom Verdoot from Pexels

Shared with dVerse — Poetics — Edges and Fringes.

Where tonight’s mission, should we choose to accept it, is to spark on one of these paths:

  1. Write a poem using the word edge;
  2. Write a poem that keeps Millikin’s question above in mind.
  3. Write a poem using the word fringe;
  4. Write a poem from the fringe, however you define it.

Obviously I choose number 1.


Photo by Daniela Constantini from Pexels

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